Mother,Daughter and Secrets

You see, when I was young…..well I am still young….I used to think that my future children would be my bffs. They are but I always feel like they do not always tell me most of their stuff.

Like recently I learnt that my 12 year old daughter has a boyfriend. Well obviously she didn’t tell me that. And you are wondering how I found that out? Well, since she never tells me anything, I decided to find out on my own on what was going on in her life. So I stole her diary and read it. I even had to take notes, you would think I was to do a knec exam or kasneb after that. After reading and seeing that she was on the right track I finally got to the part where she said she was missing her boyfriend. I almost fainted…. The confusing part is that on some parts she referred to him as ‘my crush’ and some parts as ‘my boyfriend’. Paranoid me kept on thinking ‘oh no! She has a boyfriend and a crush?’

I kept on wondering what was wrong with her….or with me. Where had I gone wrong as a parent? Or as a friend? Isn’t she too young to have a boyfriend? I thought of it during the day and I couldn’t wait for her to come back home from school. At some point I even wanted to go to her school during lunch hour and talk to her about it. And by talking to her you know what I mean ‘kumtandika na mwiko hadi apate adabu’.

So while I was thinking of whether to go to her school or not, I called one of my friends who told me that I should let her be. But to be sincere I could let her be everything but not someone’s girlfriend at the age of 12. Does she even know that she is 12 years old? I even had to keep counting her age using my fingers to check if I am the one who forgot her age and maybe she was 25 and not 12.

Imagine bringing up your daughter nicely, teaching her how to pray and how to attend church. How to cook and take care of herself only for her to get a boyfriend at the age of 12? There was no way this was going to happen in my house. I even thought of taking her to a girl’s only boarding school where the only male she would see was her teachers and dad when she comes home. But my friend laughed it out and told me that if I did that I shouldn’t be surprised years later when she is walking down the aisle with another woman. The thought of her marrying her fellow woman scared me more than her having a boyfriend at the age of 12.

I realized that the world had changed, changed so much that I was left in the year 1910 while the rest of the people were in 2050 or even year 3030. I even remembered how at our age we were told that boys are bad and that would keep us away from them, but I had promised myself that I would never tell my daughters that. I taught them to love everyone whether male or female. I kept on wondering whether I had given them the wrong advice or whether it was them who had interpreted it wrongly. You wouldn’t know what they understood when I said ‘love everyone equally’.

After spending the whole day thinking of the best way to punish her, she came home complaining of a headache. Paranoid me kept on thinking of so many things …..Had she been dumped? Had she gotten into an argument with her boyfriend? I gave her food and told her to relax. I had even forgotten of how I had spent the whole day thinking of the best way to punish her.

I couldn’t hold on anymore and finally asked her about her boyfriend …….and she asked me ‘mum, how did you find out about my imaginary boyfriend?’ I told her not to play mind games with me and that I needed to know the name of her boyfriend and crush or we would have to solve this matter together with her class teacher in the morning. She laughed it off and insisted that all those were her imaginary people and that they didn’t exist.  She even went on to tell me that she knows I had read her diary and that is why I was ‘acting up’. We obviously got into a little quarrel but after that I had to tell her that boyfriends are for big girls who are over the age of 35 and she has to wait to be 35 or 40 to get one.

Anyway, to all daughters out there, just know that your mother should be your best friend. She should be the first person you tell your little secret.