fake or real

It always starts with a simple “hello” and the next thing you know, you’re obsessed with everything a person does. I never thought it would be like this for me. I always considered myself too hard to please. Until I met Sam. The guy I wanted to be with forever. At that point, forever was not enough. I wanted to be with him every second of my life. But, that was impossible. We had met online, so he wasn’t from around my town. We were going to do a long-distance thing until we figured out how to cover the distance.

So we texted each other every day, from morning to evening. I could hardly keep off my phone. Every time it vibrated, I knew it was a message from Sam. This went on for a month until we first met in person. He was as charming as I’d imagined him to be, and from the look on his face, he must have been pleased to meet me as well. So we had a smooth relationship for about four months.

The problem started when I felt he wasn’t committed enough. We had countable dates and he was now texting me on a weekly basis instead of a day to day basis. I knew something was off. I tried bringing up my worries in our now rare conversations. He however got very defensive and could not take responsibility of his mistake to not make the relationship a priority. So eventually, my decision was to leave him and find myself a more committed man. Despite loving him, I convinced myself that I deserve better.

But, does better really exist? Is there really a more committed guy just waiting to walk into my life any time now? Because if there was, don’t you think I would have found him by now?

Everyone seems to have the same sad ending to their quest for love. It didn’t work because he/she cheated, or, because the perfect relationship turned out to be too good to be true and one of the spouses turned to be a serial killer on the run who needed to cover his identity by living a normal life, which apparently involved being in a relationship. It doesn’t always work out. Maybe she wants kids and he doesn’t or vice versa, or the love simply faded.

Even if the relationship ends in marriage and there seems to be a “happy ever after”, the couple may end up unhappy and bored because their life seems to be a routine. Every morning, waking up to the same person, shower, breakfast, work, dinner, sleep, then wake up and do it all again. This is where adultery comes in, to bring in excitement in the cheater’s life. They simply can’t bear their boring life anymore. The wife/husband finds out that their partner is cheating, and with a broken heart, file for a divorce. And there it is another sad ending.

The ones that remain faithful to their spouses live an unhappy life. they stay in their marriages just to ensure their children don’t go through the trauma of having divorced parents.

So here I am, in a world where I believe true love doesn’t truly exist. With the clock ticking for the “right time” to get married not to mention my humane need to love and be loved. I wonder how long it’s going take me to find my prince charming. Someone mentioned to me that being beautiful and having a nice body doesn’t entitle me to find true love. I still have to wait in despair just like everyone else.

I still get hope from couples like my parents, the married ones who stay faithful to their spouses and are happy. My grandparents for example only have each other as company. Their children moved out a long time ago. All the years they have stayed married show me that one day I will find a good husband who will stay faithful and give me the love and companionship that I need.

I have decided to just live my life and be happy. Instead of waiting around for some dream guy to come along, I will pursue my dreams and have as much fun as I can before I’m old and all I can remember from my youth is feeling lonely and locking myself indoors. So not all hope is lost. Somehow, I can change a fairy tale to not be about happily married, but happily in love with myself. After all, that’s what life’s about, being comfortable in your own skin and person.

Ephesians 5:25

husbands, love your wives, even as christ loved the church, and gave himself for it;