Songs and Cover Songs Reviews

Ed Sheeran Divide Album Critic Review

March 23, 2017

 

This was a comment on my post (Ed Sheeran Divide  Album Review) by an Ed Sheeran “Fan”.

 

“I remember you called, I imagine, immediately after you listened to his latest album. Were you serenading from the mellow tunes, was your soul soothed or was your mind knotted up, boggled and baffled, feeling like you’d been split up, “÷”.

I’m afraid, I came to the party rather late and felt left out, which is neither bad nor good. What is peculiar, though, is that I find Divide bad. Bear with me.

I wouldn’t want to drag your favourite singer/songwriter’s name through the dirt, especially over his latest aplomb- Number 1 in the UK’s Album Charts, record breaking- with 9 singles in the UK’s Top Ten Singles Charts, Youtube views in their millions as are the millions in profit generated. I have no right (left) to criticise Sheeran, but indulge me.

From outside looking in, I am a fan, despite what I feel is hypocritical and vain from Ed. I discovered him in 2011’s +; despite my best reservations, learnt to grow fond of 2014’s x, and sadly will have to slash /. I recuse myself: I lack objectivity, my high horse no taller than a cat and worse still has been let! Be free midget horsey!

We always wish that our favourite artists would never change, yet that’s the very thing that happens to them (not the “very thing that they ‘do’”). I have changed but diabolically hope that if I cared, about, in this case, Ed, he’d have changed with me. Rather, he’d have changed to this idyllic notion that would be the remedy for that philandering path he’s on in this specific segment of time. Huh! In this regard, I am as vain as my idol and the subject of my critic. How befitting? Of the kettle calling out the pot. (not weed)

I listen to rap and hip hop- the ‘good’ kind whose lyrics you can actually hear, are sparingly lewd and don’t conglomerate women as exclusively wanton. Ed Sheeran can’t rap!

Queue Eraser from this critically acclaimed ‘masterpiece’.

Given, it his song, his art, his expression of self (and my bias towards him) I must excuse his lack of delivery and not call him out on how much he swallows the end syllables. (Which is what I’ve done). Instead, let’s delve into the content of his lyrics and unfairly probe them to unjustly tarnish his character.

Ed’s a good, easy guy, at least that’s what his brand is marketed as. Yet the pretence of “money is the root of all evil and fame is hell”, I’m sorry sticks out like the black man somewhere in Serbia! The “lack of 9-5 without a uni degree” old and well worn out, especially once you’re that successful, famous and are the 7th richest musician under 30 in pound-sign Brexit. It is impossible to demarcate the man from the art in this case.

It is ultimately a good song, because, I can not relate to what his life must be and I’m well aware of the things that can destroy a man like me (booze and women for musicians, yet… we’ll get into that). I would sink in Dive and admire the continuity of nostalgia from Photograph to Castle on the Hill as Perfect and She’s the Sweetest thing are classic Thinking Out Loud, and still feel weak and shallow ballads. Shape of You, samples TLC’s No Scrubs, which I have nothing against (the entire idea of samples and sampling) except I prefer TLC.

His pretty Galway Girl, if I may proclaim myself is the typical isht an Englishman, a ginger at that, would stereotype an Irish lass as, in a folk song no less! It’s basically an ode to (Irish) booze brands, from Jamie(son) to Johnny (Walker), Van Morrison, but I think he should transcend all this, “Hi I’m Ed and I am a drunken mess” thing. Which is how he deals with seeing his ex walking arm in arm with someone else- he nurses a bottle in Happier. The very things he is ‘aware’ happens to a man like him in Eraser.

New Man has him all “Meek Mill on Minaj” after their break up. It’s bitchy to talk of another bloke like that, just because he is plumbing what you currently are not.

Your new man rents a house in the ‘burb
And wears a man bag on his shoulder, but I call it a purse
Every year, he goes to Málaga with all the fellas
Drinks beer, but has a six pack, I’m kinda jealous
He wears sunglasses indoors, in winter, at nighttime
And every time a rap song comes on, he makes a gang sign
Says “Chune, bwoydem light up the room!

And now to the belle:

But enough about him, girl, let’s talk about you
You were the type of girl who sat beside the water readin’
Eatin’ a packet of crisps, but you will never find you cheatin’
Now you’re eatin’ kale, hittin’ the gym
Keepin’ up with Kylie and Kim
In the back of the club, kissin’ a boy that ain’t him

It is not okay to lump an ex, whoever you are, as a hoe (Hope with the ‘p’ silent) just because they left your bum and moved on to whoever it is- even if the said ex and (her) new catch are Sukuma Wiki eating narcissists intent on Keeping up with the Kardashians.

What does he know in What do I know? Literally. This is exactly the song that, to me, says of his innocent, poor, uncool me brand is really hypocritical of him. Paying attention to the trappings of his brand yet singing that love can change the world!? Bull!!

I’m just a boy with a one-man show
No university, no degree, but lord knows
Everybody’s talking ’bout exponential growth
And the stock market crashing and their portfolios
While I’ll be sitting here with a song that I wrote
Sing, love could change the world in a moment
But what do I know?
Love can change the world in a moment

My rave against Ed is that that underdog bull is way past him, even if he himself clearly isn’t past it. He’s successful, in fact queue a Grammy; he’s making paper (also doesn’t like being asked about it), he’s simplistic and about the same things. I wish he ‘d embrace his new status and/or perhaps give me more than women are angels if you like them (or can only be beautiful) and demons if they don’t like you. He’s popular now and can’t rant about his art being unaffected- pure even. He can’t be an artist and celebrity at the same time. It’s either he does those weak rhymey ballads “We can change the world with a piano and guitar and love” or returns to being deep for my and your sake like this:

I’m gonna pick up the pieces
And build a Lego house
If things go wrong we can knock it down
My three words have two meanings
There’s one thing on my mind
It’s all for you

 

Thanks Gor for allowing me to post this.

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